I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
