I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
