You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
