Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
