at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
