he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
