So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
