I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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