Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He passed out mid-signature
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
