Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
