A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
