all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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