i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
