none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
