:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
