Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
