We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
