I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize