am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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