She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
