its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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