i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
