Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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