I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
