His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
