i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
