so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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