Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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