so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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