I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
