i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
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i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
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I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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