don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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