I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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