she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
