Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
