I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
