Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
