I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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