genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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