a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
