So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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