I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
