Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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