I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
