During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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