My cat gives me a boner
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
