dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
