i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
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I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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