I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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