You don't have asthma, your pregnant
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
This is the high leading the old right now
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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