I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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