I wanna passion pit in your ass
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
