They should really pass out barf bags in church
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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