Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
