thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
