my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
