it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
