can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
