And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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