my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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