im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
