Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
