I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
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This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
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I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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