my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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