Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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