I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
