I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
be right there i have to get my cape
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
