ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
