I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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