Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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