I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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