Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I party with great urgency now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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