I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
