the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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