so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
