im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
