I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
