So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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