Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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