My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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