Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I can't turn off my feet"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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