the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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