I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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