i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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