Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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