Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
