thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She even gives head with a lisp.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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